By Jane Verity © dementiacareinternational
People often say, ‘It takes several weeks to build up trust with people who have dementia’ – we say it takes one split-second!
As human beings, we immediately check each other out for 2 things when we first get together; Am I accepted? Or, am I rejected? This happens in the initial split-second of our interaction and is processed at a subconscious level. However, if we stop and think about it, we are usually able to recall exactly how we interpreted the other person’s behaviour.
It has been documented that the human brain will interpret and store all initial experiences of another person’s behaviour in only two ‘boxes’, either the positive or the negative. This means that all ‘shades’ of behaviour boil down to only these two experiences.
Imagine that your thoughts about another person make you feel wary. Then imagine that you go to meet this person. If your eye contact can only be interpreted as either positive or negative, which is your’s most likely to be?
When we are met with rejection, we usually respond in a defensive, angry manner. This is where most difficult behaviour begins; yet we tend to overlook this very important factor and usually see the process of difficult behaviour as starting first with the other person.
Tip: Give the person a beaming smile that starts with the eyes and spreads to the mouth. This is the most powerful way to let the other person know that he or she is accepted.
It is often said that our eyes are the windows to our souls. When we are prepared to give a smile that starts with our eyes, sending out free-flowing, warm, loving energy, we give the very best of ourselves – of our hearts and souls. This allows the other person to see our behaviour as positive and affirming, and a warm, loving relationship can be established through the powerful message that the person has been accepted.
The quality of our eye contact, facial expressions, voice and body language are what the people we meet use as cues for their interpretation of our behaviour, and the interaction between us.
So think about the power of the quality of your eye contact. In that initial split-second of interaction, give the person that you support a beaming smile that starts with your eyes and spreads to your mouth. This simple technique can prevent difficult behaviour and set the scene for success.