Spark of Life 5 Core Emotional Needs

By Jane Verity © dementiacareinternational

People with dementia often express themselves in uncharacteristic ways such as a burst of anger, accusations or repetitive actions. Traditional approaches deal mainly with the symptoms, which results in no profound changes to the underlying cause of the behaviour.  The strength of the Spark of Life Approach is that it focuses on everything that happens below the surface for the person with dementia where we find the true reasons behind their behaviour -the Spark of Life 5 Core Emotional Needs.

These unmet emotional needs are:

  1. To be needed and useful
  2. To have opportunity to care
  3. To love and be loved
  4. To have self-esteem boosted
  5. To have the power to choose

These needs are universal and do not change. What does change is the opportunity to have these needs met – especially for people with dementia or anyone else living in an institution where the focus is on tasks and routines rather than on the social and emotional wellbeing of the individual.

To Be Needed & Useful

We all need to be able to wake up in the morning and know that there is purpose to our lives. When we say things to the person with dementia such as, ‘You don’t need to help with the dishes, you have done enough dishes in your life,’  we send an indirect message that, ‘You are no longer needed; you are useless.’

The key to success lies in HOW you engage people with dementia in everyday activities. By ASKING for help, the activity is immediately more meaningful as the person feels they are making a real difference in your life. Avoid using language such as ‘Would you like to…’ . Instead say, ‘I so need a hand with this, can you help me?’ Even people with advanced dementia can make a difference and feel needed and useful.

 

The Opportunity to Care

We naturally provide care for people with dementia, but often forget that they also need the same opportunity. You may have experienced a person with dementia picking up a doll or teddy and talking to it, which we traditionally identify as a symptom of dementia.  However, from a Spark of Life perspective this behaviour is seen as an unmet need to have the opportunity to care.

Consider facilitating that the person who has dementia has his or her own pet. A small companion dog can make the world of difference and even enable the person with dementia to improve. Birds are also excellent companions, especially for the person who is bedridden or confined to a chair. Place the bird at eye height so the person can share meaningful communication and form a real bond.

Being with small children or having the opportunity to hold a baby can also be a way of meeting the need to care. If none of these is possible, it may be worthwhile experimenting with a doll or teddy that you treat with the same respect you would apply to a small baby or pet.

See our article, Doll Therapy – Dos, Don’ts and Procedures for more information.

  1. To Love and Be Loved.

When people with dementia are asked, ‘What is the most important thing in life?’ they unanimously respond, ‘To love and be loved and to care for each other.’ This is the universal voice of people with dementia. When a person with dementia wants to give you a spontaneous hug, interpret this as an opportunity for them to show their caring side. You could also swap roles and say to the person, ‘I so need a hug. Can I have a hug?’ This empowers the other person to give love. Remember to allow yourself to be in the moment and relax into their hug, as this is the biggest gift you can give to the other person. It is human nature not to feel like hugging everyone so share your hugs only when you feel comfortable.

See our article, Hugs not Drugs for more information

To Have Self-Esteem Boosted
  • Our self-esteem is closely linked to our identity, which is partly constructed by other people’s feedback or interpretations. Self-esteem is boosted and our identity strengthened when we receive affirmations such as, ‘You are a good mother,’ or ‘What an excellent gardener you are!’

People with dementia often have their identity de-constructed when others focus on everything they can no longer do. This leaves the person with dementia uncertain about who they are and what they can contribute.

Boosting a person with dementia’s self-esteem is vital to restore and retain their identity. There are three main ways to boost self-esteem.

Make the person feel special by asking them for a hand. They will then experience, ‘I am still someone, I can make a difference, I am needed.’

Remember to genuinely thank the person through descriptive appreciation. Clearly describe what the person has done that you appreciate and how it has made a difference.

Think of something you can genuinely and sincerely say to make that person’s day such as, ‘You have the most beautiful smile.’

The Power to Choose

Create every possible opportunity for the person with dementia to be able to make choices and regain control. This can be as simple as offering a choice of drink, food, or clothing etc. The key to success lies in HOW we offer the choice. For example, instead of taking for granted that a person always wants to have the same hot drink, offer a choice by saying, ‘Today, it is tea or coffee.’ Offer only two choices for a successful outcome.

See our article, Build a Supportive Partnership for more information

When we focus on meeting these five universal emotional needs, we give the person with dementia every opportunity to live a fulfilling life, stay engaged in the present, and maintain and improve their abilities.

 

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