Sparking Conversations

Member article

By Jane Verity © dementiacareinternational

If you are visiting or spending time with a person who has dementia and feel stuck for conversation, try the following approach.

Carefully select an object for the person with dementia that has pleasant associations or sentimental value, sparks the emotions, or stimulates any of the senses. Examples could include a special piece of memorabilia, family photo or even an exotic piece of fruit.

Ask the Person an Appropriate Question such as
  • What does this say to you?
  • What are your thoughts when you see this?
  • What are your thoughts when you feel this?
  • What are your thoughts when you hear this?
  • What are your thoughts when you taste this?
  • What are your thoughts when you smell this?

Only ask one of these questions – the most relevant for the situation – and then wait… patiently.

It is in the silence, in the pause, that magic happens.  When you ask these types of questions, you set the person up for success because no matter what the answer is it is going to be correct! You may even find that the person will think of a beautiful response, the kind that comes from the soul and the heart.

To ensure a positive response, you should also be aware of the type of questions not to ask.

Questions to Avoid
  • ‘What is this?’
  • ‘Who is the person in the picture?’
  • ‘Do you remember…?’  or, ‘Don’t you remember?’

These questions set the person up for failure as they ask for facts stored in the memory, the very area that is challenged in people who have dementia.  They are usually acutely aware that their memory is failing and will simply give up and not even try to answer.

In contrast, by using questions such as, ‘What are your thoughts…?’ you can make the visit a warm and rewarding experience for both yourself and the person with dementia.

Further Reading – Click Topic

  • How to Communicate with Someone who Can’t Speak – Public/Extended Members article – Jane Verity (Learn 4 body language techniques to show people with dementia that you are really listening; learn the importance & the difference between intuition & logical, rational thinking & which is most effective in communicating with people who have dementia; learn strategies & effective questions to uncover unmet needs & to draw out the person’s feelings & needs; learn question techniques & 6 steps to being a good communicator.)
  • The Bus Stop Band-aid – Public/Extended Members article – Jane Verity (Discover the emotions & reasons behind the words, I want to go home; learn positive ways to fulfill unmet needs & proven strategies to remove the necessity for the bus stop & other band-aid solutions. Also, learn why ‘Best’ is the enemy of greatness.)
  • My Neighbour is Trying to Kill Me! – Reveals the deep symbolism behind this once seemingly delusional accusation.

Relevant Resources
5 Universal Emotional Needs – 10 Tips for Best Communication – 5 Universal Emotional Needs – Seeing With the Heart – A4 posters – Visit our Product page