By Jane Verity ©dementiacareinternational.com
Seven Tips for Any Social Occasion
1. Accept the person with dementia as s/he is and make allowances for their special needs. Turn challenging situations into successful experiences.
Tip: If the person finds the table decorations irresistibly beautiful and starts to collect them, simply let go of what you think is correct or incorrect and instead join in the joy of the selection and acknowledge it by saying, ‘I can see you really love those little angels or baubles etc. You have chosen well. I am so proud of you.’
2. Make a conscious effort to work in and around the person. A successful outcome depends on your attitude. We can’t change the person but we can change our responses.
Tip: If the person gets a fright from loud unexpected noises, avoid party poppers and perhaps use bonbons only for decoration. Otherwise, a new tradition/game could be created by encouraging children to pull bonbons outside in the garden.
3. Help the person to feel special. People with dementia love being the centre of attention.
Tip: Set the scene before the actual celebration and use this small but very powerful technique. INVITE the person to the celebration. Make sure you replace the phrase: ‘Would you like to..?’ with: ‘I would like to INVITE you to…’
4. Ensure you communicate with the person and remember to explain what is going on. It is easy for people with dementia to feel lost in a crowded social situation. Include them at all times and avoid speaking over their heads or whispering because you think they might not hear you…believe me, they do!
Tip: At the dining table, place the most patient and caring relative or friend next to the person. This friend or family member can focus attention on the person and help him or her to understand what is being said and what is happening around them. This will set the person at ease.
5. Ask the person for help or suggest a job. Most people with dementia love to be involved. Set the scene for success and adapt and grade what you ask for to suit the person’s level of ability. Always remember to say a genuine thank you.
Tip: A person in the early stage of dementia may still be able to do jobs with little direction, such as helping set the table – as long as everything is already on the table waiting to be placed correctly. It is helpful to arrange one setting as a model to copy.
A person in a later stage can still help, but may need a less complicated job and more direction, such as sitting down and peeling the potatoes or placing pre-folded serviettes one-at-a-time on each plate.
You may find that singing Christmas carols or familiar songs together while you work is a positive way of being together. The person will most likely know the words by heart and find real joy in being able to sing.
6. Avoid irritation. Irritation creates stress – memory enemy number one.
Tip: The best way to avoid irritation is to make a conscious decision to either halve the amount of planned activities or double the time you allow for each. Remember, everything takes longer for the person with dementia. When handing out presents, give them out one-by-one and allow the person time to open each gift and enjoy it. Let the giver hand the present over so that the person can link the gift to the giver.
7. When children are a part of your celebration, remember that success is best created by ensuring the person is as much the centre of attention as the children. It is also very important to ensure that the person does not become overwhelmed by the attention of too many children at once.
Tip: If there are several children at a party, the noise level and intensity can be somewhat overpowering for people with dementia. They can easily become frustrated and may even come across as angry. You can do two things to prevent this from happening:
a. When children first arrive, help occupy the person in the kitchen or elsewhere away from the children.
b. Arrange a special treat for the children out in the garden and then, slowly, encourage one-to-one contact between the person and each child. If there is a small baby at the party, the person can often find the greatest joy in simply sitting (for hours) with the baby in arms, nursing and talking with this little one.
A final note:
Discuss with family members and friends any special needs and what to be aware of in regard to Grandma or Grandpa or Uncle Jack. Are there particular ‘buttons’ they should avoid pressing such as telling off, reprimanding, correcting etc?
Give these 7 tips to everyone who attends your Christmas or social occasions so that all may join in to positively enjoy successful and festive celebrations, including the person with dementia, and ensure the best time for everyone.